rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
