I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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