Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
