is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
