I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
