So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
