She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
