Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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