Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
