my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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