dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
