im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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