He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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