I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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