Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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