you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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