He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize