genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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