The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
