You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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