I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
