He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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