you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
