I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
