I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
