I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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