That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
