So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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