you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
how drunk are you?
Several
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize