what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I deserve this hangover.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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