I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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