They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize