i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
