So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
