Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
