Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
