You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize