she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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