I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
