sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
