it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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