I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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