I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
wow bdsm is so cute
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
