You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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