Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
