i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there was a trapeze. enough said
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
