Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
