so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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