So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
