life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
