i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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