You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
