I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
