how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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