it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
