I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
