is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
