Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
