I puked a lego.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
