I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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