I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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