My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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