Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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