even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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