I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize