Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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