so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
