well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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