I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
