Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
