Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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