And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize