i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
