I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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