I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
