my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
