I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
