I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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