...so i touched it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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