I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
