ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
