he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
