This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
