my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
