i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize