So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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