I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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