i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm always down for nudity.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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