it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
