The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
