okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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