Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
