you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
