i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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