I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
