I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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