Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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