Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
