Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
