He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
