It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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