FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
