his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
