did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You can't just leave with hair like that
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
