I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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