we have officially lost it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
