Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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