The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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