I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize