So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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