Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
