I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
